2021: The Year of Self Healing
Happy 1 Year of (dying on the) Inside!
It feels like I blinked and it’s March. Not sure about everyone else, but January and February felt like never-ending shit-shows. It doesn’t help that I’ve always had a stick up my ass about the Anglo Saxon New Year (personally, I favor the Spring Equinox version of the New Year, shout out to Nowruz). Why, you ask? Because it just makes more sense and isn’t based around what used to be ancient Rome’s election season. I have never really believed in New Year's resolutions. I have written about my dismissal of them many times for no one in particular, but to deconstruct the audacity of them all in my own head, for my own personal benefit (another story for another time).
And now with the birth of March, after a full year of ups, downs — indoor workouts, Zoom happy hours, missing friends, family, traveling, and moving causally through the world, the one thing I think we can collectively agree on is that we could all use a little time to heal.
2020 pushed us to a point of awareness we can no longer afford to ignore. And it is with that declaration, that I am reclaiming 2021 as the Year of Healing: emotionally, mentally, physically. A year dedicated to really, truly getting to know me, and understanding what it means to celebrate and activate self-care, or rather self-preservation. And this is my rallying cry, for the world, and more likely you, dear reader to do the same.
What is self-care and its relationship to healing?
As an early college student, when #selfcare started to trend on IG, #selfcare, the hashtag, was understood or more insidiously disguised as “self-improvement”. Rather, an excuse to do something, or BUY something that otherwise wouldn’t necessarily be a healthy choice, but would help me cope in the short term. I remember oftentimes saying to myself, “I had a hard day, fuck it! Imma smoke some weed and order ramen, because #selfcare,” or, “Girl! You’ve had a LONG ass week, go buy *insert frivolous, non-self care based purchase* because #selfcare!”
Neither of these things really constitutes self-care. These were all purchases; it’s just capitalism. What can I say, assimilation, it’s a helluva drug.
Do you know where the term self-care came from? First from the Greeks, then radicalized by Audre Lorde, queer poet and activist, who claimed self-care not as “self-indulgence”, but rather, “about self-preservation, therefore and act of political warfare.” And while I am not a “Black, lesbian, mother, warrior poet,” (as she self-described herself — what a chill-a** way to describe oneself), and I will never know what that’s like, I do understand (through my own unique personal experience) what it’s like to be oppressed by a system that is hostile towards my identity as a queer Latina woman struggling with anxiety and depression. That protecting myself, or preserving myself, through radical acceptance and care of myself is, and can continuously be an act of political warfare against a system where political parties get to call the shots, while never really understanding the nuances of being an individual who has unique experiences and needs.
While my journey with and around self-care is still evolving, self-care it’s a necessary investment. Self-care anchors our physical body to our soul, allowing us to show up in the world fully present, and fully ready to tackle the complexity that is “living in unprecedented circumstances, times, etc”. And at times, when it truly feels like the Coronavirus pandemic will never really end, it seems to me, if we’re all a little more anchored in our own souls, love and patience seem more accessible, and so does a world where honest with each other, and we don’t harbor anti-Black, Brown, Latinx, Asian, homophobic, misogynistic beliefs towards people who are different than us. The practice of self-care can be a lot easier said than done. It’s a uniquely individual practice based on YOUR social and emotional needs. And while this may be true, sometimes it’s still easier to go out and buy a sheet mask than invest in the momentous task of personal healing and societal unconditioning.
2020 was the first time I was asked to confront the ways that I protect a system that protects no one unless it protects everyone. 2020 was the start to understanding, when all things fail, and shit hits the fan, what matters to me the most? How do I show up for my own self and the communities I inhabit? We all deserve rest. We all deserve relaxation. No if, ands, or buts. Let’s do so in a way that’s productive to our own healing and promotes non-violence towards others. Let’s not buy into the white supremacist/capitalist definition of self-care, and instead invest in radical healing and self-preservation as defined by our femme queen Audre.
So I’ll start. I am committing to my own personal healing, and holding myself accountable through my writing and sharing within the context I inherit. Maybe opening the door to accountability is a form of healing. Maybe if we offer love and kindness in the form of accountability, we might actually start becoming accountable. Because maybe when we start to become accountable, we start to heal.
