I Went To A Real Life Astrologist - Here’s What Happened

“Astrology has no more useful function than this, to discover the inmost nature of a man and to bring it out into his consciousness, that he may fulfill it according to the law of light.”- Aleister Crowley

Astrology. When you hear the word what pops into your head? Horoscopes? Scammers? Stars?

People laugh at astrology all the time- the study of it, its findings, etc., but when you break it down from a logical standpoint it makes sense. You have to believe (I mean you don’t HAVE to) there’s a correlation to how the planets and stars move in relation with who we are as individuals, and how it affects our paths in life.

Astrology- when I bring it up in casual conversation with people I don’t know all too well (1. I mean small talk, I don’t just walk up to strangers on the street and say “Hey what do you think about astrology?” and 2. All of my close friends drink the Kool-Aid of the stars so this is not directed at them), it is met with skepticism and most of the time laughter. It is thought to be juvenile in the “real world” because of the fact there are no quantitative or measurable aspects to the science of the stars. Majority of the time people immediately site horoscopes as their only form of reference. Horoscopes are a great daily form of guidance- but there isn’t much there. I think people miss the value of being taught about the deep cruxes of astrology- like how it affects your personality, your way of doing things, interacting with people, and don’t lose me here- your future.

My interest in astrology probably started in my pre-teen years, when I would read Seventeen Magazine and on the last page, there would be a page dedicated to horoscopes. Always reading Taurus, I felt maybe I would get an insight into how to talk to my crush or get tickets to a concert or whatever the teeny bopper magazine was spitting. To be honest, this is the only real interest I had in astrology throughout high school and the early years of college. Maybe it was living in the crystal infested, metal health-conscious, sage drenched LA, but whatever it was I picked up a book at Urban Outfitters called Unexplained Zodiac, seemingly bought it and seriously fell in love and logic with the study of astrology.

I love astrology because to me it makes sense. It describes the pattern and movement of the stars for individuals from the time that they were born until they expire. That sounds really morbid, but its a set of charts that track how the stars move throughout your life. To me, astrology is a form of clarity, guidance, and helps me build trust with the universe altogether. I don’t want to call it a religion because I am still not sure where I stand with religion, but it definitely carries weight as a ritual and a practice in my life. In trying times I definitely reach for my phone and read my horoscope, or check in with where the moon is at. It’s nice to have something to lean back on when your feeling unstable in your twenties (um, so like all the time).

“Oh, your an Aquarius man?” “You’re so emotionally unavailable!”

“You’re dating a Gemini woman?” “Good luck!”

“Two Taurus girls in the same house?” “That sounds emotionally unstable.”

Eventually, after graduating, quitting my job, traveling Europe for a month and coming home to no known income I was at a loss for what the rest of my life was supposed to be like. So naturally, I turned to my astrological forces and fascinated group of friends for advice. Fast forward three months later, with a little more grounding than before, I was having a casual conversation with a co-worker when the topic of astrology came up. She too- enamored with the beauty of the unknown- mentioned to me that she actually had a chick that she saw from time to time in San Mateo. She explained to me that she was an astrologist that had been reading natal charts, solar returns, and helping people via astrology and tarot for over twenty years. She went to her once a year- on her birthday- to check in with what is called a solar return. I- clearly intrigued asked for her name and number and made an appointment- obviously, where do you think all of this was headed?

I met Elizabeth at her home. This woman is crazy in the best way possible. She used to be a cop and is trained in hand to hand combat. Just to give you an idea- and I mean she’s an astrologist for a living so that’s pretty specific. She also was in the ARMY for 11 years, and she formerly held the title of Vice President of the San Francisco Astrological Society from 2005–2013. Her qualifications are very qualifiable.

Prior to the appointment, the only information she required from me was the date and time of my birth- May 15, 1995 at 4:51 pm, and where I was born- Mills Hospital in San Mateo. She asked if I had any questions before beginning, or if I need clarity on anything in my life- to which I responded with yes, the whole reason I made the appointment was because I was feeling very directionally challenged at the time.

Walking into this appointment, I was so extremely nervous. I had absolutely ZERO ideas of what to expect and honestly had no idea if it was even going to be worth paying money for. BUT wow, I was not expecting HALF of what I got. She handed me four different charts, all of which had different meanings- one was my natal chart, one was my life progression chart, and some transit charts. If were being real here, I am still struggling to understand all of the information.

A few terms before we get into the nitty-gritty of the actual reading:

Natal Chart- A natal chart is created based off the time, date, and place of birth of an individual. Your natal chart in the most simple of terms is where the stars and planets were when you breathed your first breath. My natal chart- in two different formats- is listed below.

Progression/Transit Chart- The progression chart is basically just how the planets progress over time as we age.

Solar Return Chart- This is the chart that tracks the progression of how the sun moves when it returns to the exact position of natal position. Basically a year around the sun. It is recommended that you get a solar return reading once a year on your birthday. See I did that but instead, I said fuck the birthday and went for Christmas time instead. Solar returns are known for their epicness. They are associated with Saturn’s return or revolve around the sun. In totality, it takes about 28/29 years for Saturn to fully rotate the sun. Solar returns can have a massive impact on us once Saturn has fully rotated the sun (more on this later).

Instead of relaying the entire transmission of what went down in that hour and twenty two minute ride, I compiled everything she said into specific categories to 1. not bore you to death and 2. to make it easier for me to understand. So here we go.

Personality:

From what I collect, and what you as an audience member will collect from the reading is that I am a giant contradiction. My struggle in life will always remain in this twisted but hopefully self-propelling triangle of independence vs. money vs. being apart of the group. Apparently, I was born while Venus is in Aries, which are to ruling planets that completely oppose each other in style. Venus is the goddess of love, beauty, and compassion, while Aries is the god of war- violence, strength a solider-eqse type attitude. I love being around people, but I also really hate being around people and need to spend hours alone to decompress. This combination, however, is what draws me to the intensity of life. I get bored very easily and am considered to be a very passionate (or intense as she puts it) person. She told me I am the type to exhaust my social abilities and then run to my room and lock the door and binge watch Netflix or Game of Thrones- or as she puts it the “throne of swords” which I kinda like better. This need for balance in my life is caused by my rising sign of Libra- the sign of scale aka balance. Libra rising is also responsible for my need to decompress using art and communication. I also have a security complex- this need to “not be seen” but a deep deep need to be admired. HA IF YOU KNEW ME AT ALL I’VE LITERALLY NEVER HEARD A TRUER STATEMENT- except for when she told me I like to dress nicely even when I’m broke. Also #FACTS.

By far my biggest weakness is myself due to Saturn’s placement in the 6th house-the house of Karma; apparently, I underestimate myself deeply and don’t think I am good enough (which, she’s not wrong).

Relationships:

So I went into this session with many questions about relationships. I guess if we’re really being honest here my love life and my career were my two biggest concerns (and still are) at the time. I mean let’s be real- what else does a 22-year-old have to worry about? Like mainly those two things. My “career” will always be my biggest concern in my life. And when I feel insecure about where I am in that, I turn to my biggest crutch- my love life/intimacy with another person. So not feeling confident about where I am professionally sometimes pushing my focus on looking for security in other people. Super cool right? How emotionally mature of me to admit that! My Venus in Aries is what causes me to be a slight bit of bitch and a trifle bit vengeful which to be honest I didn’t notice until she said that. And even then my brain was like ummm I don’t know about that… But then I was like Yaaaa I can be a lil sneaky bitch about things sometimes. I also have a tendency to fall in “love” very quickly and then get very bored and demand an exit route stat. My mate has nothing to do with signs or birthdays or where the stars are, but rather the type of person. See astrology is about learning about yourself- she suggested to never compromise my values for another person in a serious relationship- which is great advice to anyone. Apparently, I have a thing for good friends and people I can’t read.

Traveling:

She mentioned Italy like three times. Okay, she mentions it once. Traveling is definitely something necessary for my well being. The traveling thing pairs with my outlet of needing to produce some sort of art. She gave me specific dates in the future to avoid traveling such as January 2019 due to the fact Pluto and Mars will both move into the 9th house which is the house of foreign travel. She included other important dates that also cover travel (November 2018 apparently pops off), but also things such as when I should be expecting career bumps and sums of money (December 2017, August 2018 and April 2019). My entire 2018 year will be dedicated to behind the scenes work of figuring out the who, what, why, where, and the what. I said the what, but like I feel like there is a lot of what to be sorted out.

The point of all of this isn’t to convince you to love astrology or to go to an astrologer. You don’t have to agree with me or like what I am even talking about. I am shocked if you are even still reading this. In reality, we as people have to do things that make us feel comfortable and secure. For me at this moment, I needed an astrologist to tell me what the stars of my future looked like. Whether it’s astrology or tarot cards, or church, or compulsive shopping, sometimes you need to do what makes you happy. I tried something new, I got out of my comfort zone, and got some clarity on where my life was going even if it wasn’t 100 percent accurate.

At the end of the day, I scheduled the appointment in December of 2017 as a way to prepare myself for the New Year. Lost, confused, no longer in the comfort of my own credit card debt and solo living, I was desperate for any form of reassurance. So I found something that would work for me. And I as much as hate to admit how much I spent- 180 dollars plus a tip (I don’t remember how much I tipped because I normally over tip and try to block out how generous I am because I normally end up slightly regretting it). This appointment gave me more clarity then I could have ever asked for. She gave me charts, dates, unasked-for advice (which is always welcome no matter how crazy it is), and sent me with a recording. I didn’t include too much beef in the article about the reading, but if you want to give it a listen to see if an astrological reading is something you would be interested I have attached the file here.